


Prowl

by sarahgayle1214



Series: Fandom Poems [2]
Category: Original Work, Transformers - All Media Types, Transformers Generation One
Genre: Anxiety, Gen, Mental Health Issues, Panic Attacks, Poetry, Slam Poetry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-11
Updated: 2018-10-11
Packaged: 2019-07-29 10:39:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16262513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarahgayle1214/pseuds/sarahgayle1214
Summary: I am Prowl becauseI glitch too.





	Prowl

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [On Being a Transformer](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14549517) by [roguefaerie (samidha)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/samidha/pseuds/roguefaerie). 



I am Prowl  
And not just because  
I have a mind built for stratagems and tactics;  
I do.  
Not just because  
I relish the play of calculations under my fingers;  
I do.  
Not just because  
I rejoice when the world sketches itself before me in shades of black and white;  
I do.  
And not just because  
I value order and logic and duty more than life;  
I do.  
But rather it’s all that and more.

I am Prowl because  
I glitch too.

There is no other word I know  
To describe  
How it feels when  
The world explodes around me,  
My thoughts scatter like shrapnel  
And everything is moving too, too fast,  
So fast and nothing makes sense  
Like I’m hearing only half a conversation  
With no context.  
People stop making sense and suddenly I can’t understand  
Why I’m so afraid,  
So, so afraid.  
My body feels like  
It’s fighting a war that no one else can see  
And I fall apart.  
My hands shake and lose feeling  
And I jump at every sound  
As my systems  
Overclock  
My frantic mind seeing everything as a threat.  
And suddenly I have to get out  
And I don’t know why  
It hurts inside my chest until I realize I forgot to breathe.  
I can almost feel the sparks flying,  
Doorwings fluttering behind shaking shoulders,  
But there’s nothing there,  
No sparks, no threats, no doorwings,  
And I don’t know why  
Praxus is falling down around me,  
Why I can hear the judgment in the engines of incoming Seekers,  
And there is no shelter but the feeble frame  
Of denial and anonymity.  
And so I scream in silence  
As I crash. 

I crash to the ground in an unconscious heap  
Even as I force myself to  
Stay standing.  
That is all I can do  
When the world spins  
And my heart pounds  
In my ears  
That I dare not cover in case of an attack that  
Had already come once.  
Stay standing  
Even as I want to run  
Miles and miles away until there’s  
Nothing  
But me and the silence,  
A blank canvas for the only balm I know,  
The Jazz that calms my racing heart  
With soothing rhythms and crooning words,  
Hide away for hours until there’s nothing left,  
Nothing left to tie my soul into tourniquets.  
Stay standing  
Until I can run away from the panic that  
Sends my mind spiraling into a blinding - 

Crash.

 

I am Prowl  
Because I know the anguish  
That comes when your mind is your  
Best ally and worst enemy all at once.  
I know the fear  
When trusted friends become as unreadable as encrypted data.  
I know the shame  
When your vulnerability can’t be hidden.  
I know the loneliness  
That comes from the stigma and alienation of being what you are.  
I know the pain  
Of thoughts that are as fast and sharp as knives, but only point inward.

I know the way it feels to live in the shadow of more than your own doorwings.

I know the way it feels to crash.

I am Prowl  
Because I glitch too.


End file.
